Tales of Avenue Q
by x-DragonSoul-x
Summary: What would happen if the cast of Symphonia all lived together in an apartment? Throw in a few Avenue Q inspired singing numbers, a bunch of weird neighbors and... Gary Coleman? Enter Lloyd, the new kid in town, getting his first apartment. Will he survive
1. It Sucks To Be Me

**Author Note: **Man, I've been out of it for awhile. This is probably one of the only things I've posted in the last... 4 months. I kinda feel bad about it. But no! Its a revolution! I'm posting stuff again people!

Anyway, about half of the mindless teenage populace surfing the internet these days has seen, heard and laughed at a song from Avenue Q, but none of us have actually see the play of origin. Well, I haven't either, but that's not stopping me from writing this. I pieced together a Tales of Symphonia and Avenue Q crossover plot. What? Plot? Yes, plot. There's plot to this people, in addition to the cast of ToS acting out our favorite Avenue Q songs. But as such, its very AU, so don't go telling me off about it because I gave you fair warning.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Tales of Symphonia, and I've never even seen Avenue Q, so it'd be really strange if I was the one who owned it.

Please read enjoy and review.

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><p>Tales of Avenue Q:<br>A Tales of Symphonia, Avenue Q Crossover

**~ Chapter 1:  
>It Sucks To Be Me<strong>

The bright, midmorning sun overhead bleached out the cityscape around Lloyd Irving. The young man, fresh out of college, dodged the people who passed by him on the crowded sidewalks of Meltokio. Blaring traffic, unfamiliar faces and towering skyscrapers were all very overwhelming for a country kid like him.

All he had on him was his wallet and a map of the city; he'd left the rest of his things at the hotel he was staying at for now. Lloyd's dream was to strike out on his own, be successful, rich and famous. The first step he had to make was finding a place of his own. With a tentative glance around him, he unfurled the map and tried to figure out where to go next.

The hope that the pitiful amount of gald in his wallet would keep him from being mugged wasn't very reassuring, so to calm his nerves he decided to sing to himself, soft enough that no one would hear him.

A piano and clarinet introduction played in his head, and he began. "What do you do, with a B.A. in Blacksmith? What is my life going to be?" He folded up the map and set out again. He kept his head low and continued to sing to himself. "Slept all through college, and Dwarven folk-knowledge has earned me this useless degree."

Just like that he was starting to feel a bit more comfortable now, his stride quickened and his tone was rising gradually.

"I can't pay the bills yet, I don't have the skills yet. The world is a big scary plaaa-ace!" He held the note, causing several people passing by to stop and stare at him.

"But somehow I can't shake, the feeling I might make, a difference, to the huu-man raaaace!" He crescendoed the last note with his arms held skyward. All too suddenly, Lloyd noticed the ring of onlookers who had gathered, thinking he was some crazy street performer.

Lloyd's face turned as red as the Princeton sweatshirt he wore and with his head dipped low and his hand over his face, he sliced through crowd and got away as quickly as he could. Had he stayed he might have gotten a few bucks in change.

He sprinted for the nearest subway and almost killed himself on the stairs. Taking a big gasp of air, he pressed himself against the wall and sighed. "That was so embarrassing." Moaning, he proceeded to the subway platform.

In another part of the city, where the buildings weren't quite so tall and faded police sirens could be heard in the distance, Zelos sat on the steps leading up to his apartment building's door.

He was hunched over, contemplating his life when another one of the tenants stepped out into the thick morning city air. It was Raine, the girl down the hall, still dressed in pajama pants and a loud-orange bathrobe. It was Saturday; she didn't work on Saturday.

She walked right past him to the newspaper dispenser on the street, popped in a coin and withdrew a copy. Taking a sip from the coffee mug in her other hand she scanned the front page and without looking at him, gave him a casual, "Good morning Zelos."

"Hi Raine."

She folded up the paper and tucked his under her arm before walking over to him. "How's life?"

"Disappointing."

She frowned and sat down next to him on the stairs. "What's the matter?"

"The Coliseum Office laid me off," was his grim reply.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She took another sip of coffee; Zelos could now see that the mug said "World's Best Teacher" with some stick figures painted on it. Probably a gift from one of her students.

"Me too. I mean… Look a me. I just breeze through college and I always thought- Oh." He stopped suddenly.

"What?"

Zelos looked away. "No, it sounds stupid."

"You can tell me." Her misty blue eyes were calm and placid, making Zelos think she'd have made a better psychiatrist than a teacher.

And as if it was the most normal thing in the world, a little tune began accompanying their words.

"When I was little," Zelos sang, "I thought I would be…"

"What?"

"A big-time hero who appeared on TV."

Raine chuckled. "Oh."

"But now I'm twenty-two, and as you can see: I'm not."

"Nope."

"Oh well."

Raine shrugged. "Mm"

Zelos hunched forward in misery. "It sucks to be me!"

Raine tried to comfort him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Noooo."

"It sucks to be me," he repeated.

"Noooo."

"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning twenty-three!" He looked to Raine and nodded. "It sucks to be me."

"Hmph, you think your life sucks?" she asked, gazing out across the street.

"I think so!" he insisted.

"Your problems aren't so bad." She took one last swig of her coffee and set the mug behind her. "I'm kinda pretty," she bobbed her head from side to side, "and really quite smart."

"You are."

"Thank you." She nodded, as though she was expecting that answer. "I know lots of things like magic and artes." Her tone was rising. "And I have oh so much space inside my heart, so why…!" Her pale cheeks started to turn red with the energy with which she sang. "don't I have a boyfriend? I'm outta luck! It sucks to be me!"

"Me too!" added Zelos.

"It sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me! It sucks to be Zelos."

"It sucks to be Raine."

"To be such a schmuck!"

"To search for love in vain!"

They sang in unison. "It sucks to be me!"

From down the street came two bickering voices. The two men who belonged to those voices emerged around the corner soon after.

The one on the left carried a bag of groceries in his arm and wore a thick, long-sleeved, dark purple sweater with a matching scarf drawn up loosely around his neck. He was obviously overcompensating for the early fall chill.

The one on the right seemed to have been sucked into helping carry the groceries and clung to a bag in each hand. He wore white khaki pants and a red shirt and what appeared to be a dark blue jacket worn like a cape.

"No, Yuan, we have talked about this before," the one on the left insisted.

"11 o'clock, midnight…" the other one argued, "I'll be home when I want to!"

"No, Yuan, I know that. But-"

"You're not my mother, Kratos!"

"I'm not trying to be your mother!"

Zelos raised his arm and waved them over. "Hey, Kratos, Yuan, can you settle something for us, do you have a second?"

They quieted down rather quickly and came to a halt at the steps.

"Oh… Certainly," Kratos replied.

Raine spoke up. "Whose life sucks more: Zelos' or mine?"

Yuan scoffed. He and Kratos exchanged glances. "OURS!" they crowed.

The tune picked up again. "We live together," Kratos stated.

"We're close as people can get," Yuan added with an eye roll.

Kratos continued the sarcasm. "We've been the best of friends."

"Ever since the day we met."

Kratos rounded and glared at Yuan. "So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!"

"Wh-"

"Oh! Everyday is an _aggravation_!"

"C'mon, that's an exaggeration!" Yuan retorted.

Kratos turned around and looked up into the air. "You leave your capes out."

"Wha-?"

"You put your feet on my chair."

"Oh yeah?" Yuan glared at the back of his red spiked head. "You use all those women's beauty products in your hair!"

Both Zelos and Raine burst into fits of laughter.

Kratos clapped his hand over his head and sang through bared teeth. "You make that very small apartment we share, a HELL!"

"So do you! That's why I'm in hell too!"

"It sucks to be me," said Kratos.

"No, it sucks to be me!" Yuan insisted.

"It sucks to be me!" added Raine.

And Zelos. "It sucks to be me!"

Altogether they sang, "Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!"

Inspired by the nice little piece of harmony they'd just pulled off, Raine rose and directed the others. She began in her soprano, "Da da da da da!"

Zelos followed in alto, "Da da da da da!"

Yuan, a tenor, "Da da da da da!"

And Kratos, in his low, baritone voice, "Da da da da da!"

As they were going on their second round, the apartment door behind them opened. Out stepped a barefoot woman holding a plastic bag full of cans and other recyclables. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun and she wore a violet bathrobe. She obviously was going to take a shower sometime in the near future.

She stopped on the doorstep, eyeing the singing quartet crowded around the stairs that blocked her path to the recycling bin on the curb.

The four of them turned around to regard her. Raine and Zelos both gave her a greeting smile and in stark contrast to Kratos who looked as nonchalant as ever, maybe even a little… uncomfortable, Yuan cocked an eyebrow when he notice that the newcomer's bathrobe only went to her mid thigh. Zelos beat him back with a glare. He then swiveled his head and gave his fiancé a cheery grin like nothing had happened.

Sheena placed her hands on her hips. "Why you all so happy?" Her voice had a nasally tone that came with her Mizuho accent.

"'Cause our lives suck," Zelos supplied, still beaming.

"_Your _lives suck?" Her eyebrow quirked as she observed the four people sitting on the doorstep. "I hearing you correctly? Ha!" She tossed the plastic bag aside and joined in with her own solo. "I come into this country, for opportunities! Tried to work in big shot office." She rolled her eyes. "They thought they do what they please. But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees. In Summoning! And now I a Summoner! But I have no Spirits! And I have an unemployed fiancé!" She smacked him over the head as she said this. "And we have _lots. Of. Bills. To. Pay!_" She paused, glaring down at Zelos' messy red head. He winced.

"It suck to be me!" she sang. "It suck to be me! I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-suck! It suck to be me!"

While the rest of them were preoccupied by Sheena's musical rambling, a brown spiky-haired young man in red crept up behind them. "Uh, excuse me…"

"Hey there." Zelos arched his back and gave the him a wave, as Kratos and Yuan stepped back to regard the newcomer.

"Sorry to bother you," Lloyd went on, "but I'm looking for a place to live."

Sheena crossed her arms. "Why you looking all the way out here?"

"Well, I started in Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range…" The sentence ended in a weak chuckle. "But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper."

The residents briefly pondered if they should take offense to this statement.

"Oh and look, a 'for rent' sign." Lloyd indicated the blocky orange letters of a sign hanging in one of the ground-floor windows.

"You need to talk to the superintendent; let me get him," Zelos told him, standing up.

"Great. Thanks."

Zelos cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted up to an open window. "YO, GARY!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" Moments later, who else but a diminutive black man emerged from the apartment building's door.

Lloyd had to do a double-take. "Oh my God, it's Gary Coleman!"

"Yes I am!" said the since grown up child television star who seemed very out of place in this run down little neighborhood. But nevertheless, he proceeded into his own solo. "I'm Gary Coleman, from TV's _'Diff'rent Strokes.' _I made a lot of money that got stolen by my folks. Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here, the superintendent! On Avenue Q!"

The rest of them joined in again. "It sucks to be you!"

"You win," said Raine.

"It sucks to be you!"

"I feel better now!" Zelos added with a grin.

Gary continued. "Try having people stopping you to ask you, "What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?'" His expression dulled. "It get's _old…" _

They all sang again. "It sucks to be yoooou!"

"On Avenue Q!" only the men sang.

"Sucks to be me!" was the girl's part.

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be you!"

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be us!"

And together again. "But not when we're together! We're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends to do too. 'Til our dreams come true! We live on Avenue Q!"

"This is real life," Lloyd mused.

"We live on Avenue Q."

Zelos threw his arm around Lloyd. "You're gonna love it!"

"We live on Avenue Q."

"Here's your keys." Gary shoved the jingling ring in Lloyd's hand.

Everyone raised their hands to welcome Lloyd. "Welcome to Avenue Q!"

* * *

><p><strong>Extra:<br>****Z-skit: It's What We Do**

Lloyd: Wow… That was…

Raine: What?

Lloyd: (Grinning) That was awesome! I mean, I sang on the way over here but this... It was so exhilarating!

Zelos: Yeah, almost as great as the one we did yesterday.

Lloyd: …Huh? You mean… You do this often?

Sheena: Every day!

Lloyd: Wha- really?

Everyone: (nods)

Lloyd: And that's not, like, weird or anything?

Zelos: Nope, it's what we do.

Lloyd: …Uh-huh.

Yuan: And if you're going to live here, you're going to have to get used to it.

Kratos: (with his hand covering his eye) Yes… You will…

Lloyd: Huh. Okay… I guess I'll give it a shot.

Gary: Great! Now that we got that outta the way, let me show you to your new place!

Zelos: I'll come with!

Lloyd: Hey- Okay. (Gets dragged into the building.)

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><p><strong>Author Note: <strong>Well there you have it. I hope you liked it. And if you did, let me know via review. No, seriously, I have another story that I just posted that I'm comparing number of reviews with, and the one that has the most gets updated first. Sorry about the inconvienience, but that's the only way I can make any progress. I'm very... what's the word... lazy. So if you want to see a new chapter soon, let me know what you think.


	2. Welcome to the Neighborhood

**Author Note: **Well, it seems that there was enough interest in this story for me to continue it, albiet I couln't get the chapter out as soon as I would have liked. Nonetheless, here's chapter two. No song, but don't worry, there'll be more down the line. Like I said, I have plot to go with this, so I need some prose to establish things in the meantime. Hope you enjoy. Happy reading.

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><p><em><strong>Tales of Avenue Q<strong>_  
><em><strong><span>Chapter Two<span>**_  
><em>Welcome to the neighborhood. It sucks. You're gonna love it.<em>

"Well, I'll be in my office, first floor." And with one last jovial smile, Gary exited the apartment, leaving just Lloyd and Zelos.

Lloyd took another sweep of his new apartment. _So this is where I live now. Huh. _

The sound of police sirens came through the thin-paned windows on the opposite wall. The windows themselves looked like they may never open again, painted shut with a generous coat of the same color as the door, universally know as "baby-puke green." The furnishings were spare, really, it looked like the place had just been ransacked. There was nothing to hide the run-down wood flooring that hadn't seen a good polish since perhaps when the complex was first built. There was a fridge, but Lloyd noticed that a box of discolored paint and naked gas pipes stood where one might expect an oven to be.

There was a second room, a designated bedroom, that he knew would be just as empty as the entry-room, and a small bathroom that he prayed to Martel at least had a toilet in it.

Later he would come to regard his apartment as an utter crap-hole. But for right now, he was just happy that he wouldn't have to sleep on a bus bench or construct a forest-fort in the local park, or be adopted into a clan of mole people living in the subway tunnel, or any other absurd idea. He'd quite seriously pondered these when he had balanced his account book in the run-down motel where he had been staying that was already growing too expensive for him. Things often took awhile to truly dawn on Lloyd, and he was sure he would be absolutely ecstatic in a few minutes, having finally found a place. A man could do a lot worse…

…he tried to convince himself.

"Well, listen up kid." Zelos once again had his arm slung around Lloyd's shoulder. Lloyd grimaced. What was with this guy? He was so clingy… "If you ever need anything just come to us. That's me and my fiancé. We live one over, that's apartment A 2-2. Try to remember that."

"Yeah… sure…" Lloyd untangled himself from his overly friendly neighbor and walked a few more feet into his new home.

"So, place is kinda empty, right?" To prove it, Zelos' voice echoed off the pale green walls. "You got any stuff to fill it up?"

"Well, I have some stuff at the storage place I'm renting right now. But it's only-"

"Great! I'll call a cab!"

"You- Huh?" Lloyd started forward in confusion as Zelos made for the door.

He looked back and smiled. "Don't worry, kid. I'll help you deck out your bachelor pad." His smile turned into more of a smirk. "I'm just gonna head over to my place and call for a ride. So, what, we gotta stop at your hotel and pick up your luggage and then pick up the stuff you got in storage?"

"Uh…" Lloyd was slowly catching onto what Zelos was offering to do. "Uh, yeah. That sounds right." Zelos had come off as really annoying at first but he was turning out to be pretty helpful. Having lived in the country all his life, Lloyd had come to believe that everyone who lived in the city were selfish, arrogant jerks. Guess he was wrong…

"Great! I'll meet you in the lobby!" Zelos started forward again but, backpedaled before he got into the hall. "Oh, and yeah kid. Just so you know…" He reeled his arm for Lloyd to come closer, hesitantly, he did.

Zelos had him stand beside him in the doorway and planted a hand on Lloyd's head. He pointed him in the direction his other hand was pointing too. "Like I said, me and Sheena live right next to you." He directed Lloyd's head to the door several feet over. "And at the end of the hall, that door there…" he twisted Lloyd's neck until he saw the aforementioned apartment. "That's where the Sages live. Raine and her little brother. They both have this like bright white hair. Like they're albino or something. Raine's nice, but kinda uptight, you know? If you want advice, go to her. She's really smart. And then…"

Lloyd cringed as he heard his neck crack, Zelos didn't seem to mind. Lloyd found himself staring at a wall. Or maybe through a wall.

"There're these new kids who live around the bend. A guy and a girl, like a couple of lovebirds. I've never seen them, though I think they're names are like… Emily and Martin or something, I don't know. You'll see their cat more than you see them. Yeah, somehow they got Gary to let them have a cat. Oh by the way, tip for you: if you do see that cat, _run the hell away_."

Lloyd didn't know what do say. _What kind of advice is that?_

"W-why?" he managed.

"I don't know why, but _bad things_ always happen when you see that cat. _BaD tHiNgS."_

"What… what kind of…"

Zelos launched into another tangent, "I tried to pet it this one time. It's a cat, you know, its cute. But the damn thing clawed me and the thing got infected. Next thing I know I got a rash over my entire body and Sheena wouldn't touch me for _two weeks!_" He recited the story as if it was a traumatic experience for him.

"Maybe you were just allergic-"

"No, it's the cat," Zelos insisted in a suddenly stern deadpan. "It's _evil_."

"O-kay…" Lloyd could manage nothing more than an embarrassed smile, an expression that he had the feeling he was going to be using more frequently now.

_Well at least the building has… character._

Anyway, the two that own the little Satan-spawn, they never see the light of day," Zelos continued. "Makes me kinda wonder what they're doin' in there. Heh heh heh…" he grinned lecherously, making Lloyd even more uncomfortable, but Zelos changed subjects like one might change channels on a TV. "Oh yeah, and then there's this even newer girl."

Zelos, still gripping Lloyd's head like it was a toy in a claw-machine, wrenched it so that he was staring at the wall just before the hallway turned left. "She lives right next to Raine- can't see it, the corner's in the way. Her name's Colette. I've seen her around more often than the other two, but she's not home a lot. She leaves in the morning and comes back late in the afternoon. She's kinda cute. Maybe I should introduce you."

"Uh… thanks but no thanks." His new neighbor was getting annoying again. Lloyd wrestled with the red-head's grip on him.

"You sure? Aw." As if he hadn't even noticed Lloyd's efforts, Zelos let go of him. He straightened up and sullenly rubbed his neck.

"Other than that, there's this blue-haired, midlife crisis guy who lives upstairs, and this old blond guy named Remiel. He's kinda creepy, I really hope he doesn't have grandchildren."

Zelos tapped his foot on the floor. "And downstairs lives Kratos and Yuan. You saw them before, the one with the electric blue hair is Yuan, and the one with the insanely spiky dark red hair is Kratos. They're roommates, even though they're both grown men. They fight like an old couple though, it's pretty hilarious.

"And I've also heard that there's someone who lives in the basement apartment, but they see even less daylight than the lovebirds. Probably doing some evil experiments," he chuckled. "So… yeah. That's everyone!"

Lloyd was fairly confident that he would _not_ be able to remember all those names. "What about the rest of the apartments?" Particularly Lloyd was thinking of the door right across from his which he was staring at right now.

"Nope. Vacant." Much to Lloyd's relief, Zelos finally got out of his new apartment and stood in the hall with his arms behind his head. "This isn't the most popular part of town you know."

Lloyd wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Well, I'll go call that cab. Meet you in the lobby in ten!" Zelos walked the few feet of hallway that separated their two apartments and let himself in. Lloyd sighed and closed his door glad to be rid of his overly helpful new friend. For the moment.

He paced back into his new dwelling, still rubbing the strained muscles in his neck. "Man, its been a long day already, and its only…" After scanning the room again Lloyd realized, with mild annoyance, that he did not in fact own a clock. He shrugged it off. "Oh well, I'll buy one somewhere along the way."

_With whose money? _that derisive part of his brain posed.

"Maybe I can take a quick nap before we have to leave." He looked around, but currently he did not have a bed, a couch or even a ratty old blanket to spread on the floor. "Well, that'll change once I get my stuff." Annoyed, he shuffled over to the fridge. "Maybe I'll just have a snack before I go." Pulling on the handle, all he found inside was an open box of baking soda, a very sticky looking dark stain on the bottom of the fridge and empty shelves.

Lloyd paused, eye twitching, then looked up at the ceiling. "Are you kidding me?"

In defeat, he lowered himself to the floor and rocked back until he was leaning against one of the counters. He kicked the fridge door closed with his foot, as his stomach growled. When he thought about the money needed to actually buy food he had only one thing to say, "I am so screwed…."

Lloyd stayed that way until it was time to go.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, when Lloyd was waiting in the lobby for Zelos, a man with dark red hair walked into the room. He was wearing a moody expression, and carried a single plastic bag bearing the logo "Marble-Mart." Lloyd recognized him from the description Zelos gave him.<p>

Lloyd stepped out into the man's path. "You're Kratos, right?"

Kratos came to a halt and looked down at the obstruction. His expression was unreadable. "Yes." "Hi," Lloyd said, not deterred in the slightest. "I'm new here. I'm Lloyd." He offered his hand to shake along with a goofy grin.

Something flashed in the man's eyes. "Your name is Lloyd?"

Lloyd slowly withdrew his hand. "Yeah…." His friendly gesture was quickly melting into an awkward silence. At hearing this, Kratos' expression suddenly turned severe. Lloyd could feel every inch of his face being scrutinized by the older man's dark red eyes. Lloyd took a step back, his face flush. "H-hey. Why are you staring at me like that?"

Kratos turned away quickly, realizing the intensity of his gaze. "I-" He cleared his throat. "It's nothing."

"O-kay?" Lloyd pondered if this kind of behavior was also normal among city folks. If so, then he was never going to fit in. "Hey Llooooooyd!" Both of their heads turned to find Zelos barreling down the stairs.

Seeing the intrusion, Kratos hastily nodded to Lloyd, already backing up. "…good to meet you, Lloyd." The phrase was left half-heartedly incomplete. "Huh?" But Kratos was already out of sight down the hall. "Hey! Watch this, kid!" Zelos beckoned, like a child showing off to his mother. Zelos slid down the banister and launched himself into the lobby. He stuck the landing like a gymnast, his face merely inches from Lloyd's. The surprise sent Lloyd reeling, and he ended up on his butt in the middle of the floor.

"Tada!" Zelos chimed.

"Nice trick," Lloyd muttered sarcastically from the floor.

"Thank you, thank you, I know." Zelos seemed to be off in his own little world, bathed in a spotlight and listening to the applause of thousands.

Lloyd pulled himself to his feet. "What is wrong with people here…?"

"Oh, don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll love us eventually." Zelos was apparently back in reality and wasted no time zipping over to Lloyd like a magnet. "So! I see you got to meet Kratos, eh?"

"Yeah. Is he… always so flustered like that?"

"Flustered?" He zipped back and looked Lloyd in the eye. "Never heard him described that way before! Maybe Yuan did the laundry wrong again. I know that gets to him…"

"Right…"

"Anyway! C'mon, we gotta go get your stuff. Burning daylight here!" With that, Zelos grabbed a hold of Lloyd's wrist and yanked him out the door.

From around the corner, Kratos exhaled deeply and buried his face in his palm, praying that no one had seen that his face had turned just as red as Lloyd's.

After a moment more to recover, he turned tail and continued down the hall.


	3. My Annoying Roomate

**Author Note: **I thought it was worth it to put up another chap. There's a parody in here relating to a previous ToS/Avenue Q crossover I did. Maybe you'll spot it. I'm not feeling very verbose this evening so I'll end the 'note here. Hope it amuses you.

* * *

><p>Chapter Three<br>My Annoying Roomate

Kratos trudged down the main floor hallway of the apartment, his face grim, his mind racing.

_His name was Lloyd._

His feet automatically delivered him to his doorstep. Mechanically, he fished his apartment key out of his pocket and brought it to the knob.

_He even looked like her._

Kratos paused, realizing his hand was shaking. Surprised by his own emotion, he withdrew the key. _Stop it. _he urged himself. _It's not him. Lloyd is a common name. And brunets with brown eyes are also common. _He'd read so in a medical journal. There were statistics. _It's not him. It can't be._

His hand steady, he inserted the key into the lock and gave the knob a twist. The door whined in greeting.

_I should fix that. _he noted, casting a sideways glance at the tarnished hinges, glad to have a new nagging thought enter his mind.

Speaking of nagging….

"Welcome back," a voice said from the corner. "How was your day?"

Kratos deposited his key in the ceramic key-dish on the countertop, a matching set already in place. "I've been gone all of 10 minutes, Yuan." He kicked off his shoes, as so not to track mud into the newly-vacuumed carpet.

Yuan's green eyes peeked out over the newspaper he was reading. "What, am I not allowed to be friendly?" Yuan had taken up his daily post, on the dark leather armchair that Kratos had bought a year and a half ago. "Roomie?"

Kratos set the plastic bad he'd been carrying on the countertop; he unwrapped its content. "I got what you asked for," Kratos drawled.

He tossed a small box across the room. Yuan's hand shot out and caught it expertly. "Good!" Yuan beamed, looking down at his brightly packaged prize. "You know I can't live without my tomato crackers."

Kratos' nose twitched in contempt. Though they had been coming back from the grocery store when they'd ran into the rest of the tenants and sang their little song, once Yuan discovered he'd forgotten to purchase his favorite snack: Botta-brand Tomato Crackers, he had literally forced Kratos to go back to buy them. Why he couldn't be bothered to do so himself was beyond Kratos.

The snack revolted Kratos. What with its anthropomorphic tomato mascot, with beady little black eyes and ridiculously creased grin. Disgusting.

Kratos noticed with disdain Yuan's stockinged feet coiled under him, making contact with the expensive leather.

"Feet. Off."

"Or what?" Yuan beckoned, a sly grin hidden by newsprint.

Yuan was an aggravating man. He read the paper in the afternoon, because he never woke up early enough to read it in the morning. He was currently unemployed, and liked to lounge about the apartment all day, doing absolutely nothing productive, a fact that was magnified by the bills he left untouched every month.

Kratos paid for it all, he having a stable, fairly well-paying job as an insurance salesman, a job that Yuan insisted was 'boring.' Infallibly, Yuan would be waiting for him when he got home, _with his feet on Kratos' chair_, and when Kratos told him off about it, he would challenge him. Kratos figured Yuan thought of it as a sort of tradition.

"Yuan, I am not in the mood. Get your feet. Off my chair."

His roommate uncoiled, planting his feet on the carpet, "Someone's a little more surly than usual." Annoying comment aside, that had been the fastest compliance Kratos had seen yet. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing." Kratos muttered, crossing the room.

"What is it?" Yuan persisted.

"Drop it," his voice came from beyond the doorframe of his bedroom.

The things Kratos had said earlier about Yuan making his life hell were absolutely true.

But the two of them were old collage buddies, and as much of a blood-sucking, money-mooching, annoying tick as he was, Kratos couldn't imagine throwing him out. Not that he expected him to actually _leave_ if he did.

Kratos changed out of his work clothes and reemerged. "I'm checking the stocks," he announced, finding Yuan frozen halfway across the carpet. He had been trying to creep up on the laptop set up on the writing desk in the corner. "But I was just gonna…"

"Your girlfriend can wait 20 minutes."

Even though the two were about the same age, Kratos exercised an authority over Yuan, as well it should be, Kratos owned everything in the apartment. His roommate slunk back to the couch and leaned over the back, watching Kratos with his head propped up on his hand. He hovered in the background like a pup waiting for the elder member of the pack to finish his meal before swooping in on the remains. He was fully intent to wait Kratos out. The lazy good-for-nothing.

Though really, Kratos had just wanted to use the computer to antagonize him, something that always made him feel better when he was upset.

He toggled the mouse to wake them computer and waited while the dial-up connection wailed in agony as it started up.

It was true that Kratos was probably the most wealthy tenant in the building, but that by no means made him rich. Still he'd been able to afford the biggest apartment, the only one with two bedrooms, and spent a decent amount on fixing it up, making it _livable._

Still Gary, the superintendent, refused to do anything about the aggravatingly slow internet service. It was while Kratos was waiting for the stocks to pop up, tapping his finger on the desk, that his mind began to wander again.

_How many years has it been, _he pondered,_ since I last saw her? _

Suddenly numbers popped up on the screen. The stocks. He snapped out of his train of though. This is what he was doing so that he _wouldn't_ think about it.

Scrolling down, he found a string of bold, austere letters and numbers, highlighted in colors denoting their progress.

**KVR - 56**

**MAG - 27**

**FCT - 7**

**PNM - 39**

**ROD - 88**

All of these were highlighted in red. Of little consequence to him. He didn't own stock in any of these. Scrolling a little further, he found what he was looking for.

**LEZ + 103**

"LEZ" was short for "Lezereno," a do-everything company with a world-wide reach whose stock was always high and growing ever higher. He didn't know why he ever bothered checking.

This was how he made most of his money. Though he was sure one day it would all crash down to the ground and millions of people, including himself would be left with absolutely nothing.

His task done, he steepled his hands and stared into the pixels on the screen, prolonging Yuan's advance a little longer.

An image appeared in his mind's eye from the hazy glow of the computer. He found himself recalling a face. A woman's, with chocolate-brown hair and warm brown eyes that would light up whenever she smiled.

A second image appeared, that of the new tenant. The boy he'd met in the hall not a half-hour ago, who looked so remarkably like her….

"Quit daydreaming! It's my turn now."

Kratos flinched back, the images dissipated. He found Yuan hovering over his shoulder, laying claim to the mouse and keyboard by slapping Kratos' hands away. He continued to crowd Kratos until he succeeded in usurping the chair as well.

"Aha! It's mine now!" he crowed, like a sibling winning a squabble over his favorite toy.

Kratos was not amused. He stood watching Yuan flick through windows for a few seconds. He then realized that inadvertently Yuan had helped him to stop thinking about…

Dammit.

"So." Yuan's voice was unusually calm and even. He peered at Kratos through the corner of his eye. "What's making you so upset? What is it you keep thinking about, but don't want to be thinking about?"

Kratos was speechless, "I- How…"

Yuan swiveled in the chair. "Oh come on, Kratos! I've lived with you for 7 years of my life. I can tell when something bothering you." The chair squeaked as he turned back to the screen and took a swig out of the day-old soda can still resting on the desk. His voice emerged tinny. "And besides, I can read you like a book today."

Kratos silently clenched and unclenched his fists, embarrassed by his rampant emotions as of late. It made him… uncomfortable to know that others could tell what he was feeling so easily.

"So what is it?" Yuan pressed.

"Its nothing."

"Nu-uh." The sudden seriousness in Yuan's voice was all but gone. "C'mon, tell me," Yuan beckoned, prodding Kratos' leg with his stockinged foot.

Kratos hadn't realized how much he had enjoyed Yuan's seriousness until it was gone. "I'm not playing this game, Yuan."

"C'mon, buddy, you can tell me." His words were accompanied by a ridiculous smile.

Kratos grabbed his keys again. "Grow up." He headed for the door. "I'm going out again."

"Again," Yuan echoed. "Well, when you get back, we can be sure to have that heart-to-heart chat!"

"I'll be back late." The door slammed shut behind him.

Yuan's lip curled, "Such a drama queen…." His focus returned to the computer, and he clicked a little drop-down bar and changed the setting to "Online"

**Renegado9000 says:**

Sorry I'm late. Finally got Kratos to leave. How've you been, babe?

**Martel*Bunny says:**

_Hi sweetie. I'm doing well. How are you? _

**Renegado9000 says:**

Fine. Took me forever to get Kratos out of the house tonight. He was all angsty about something.

**Martel*Bunny says:**

_How has Kratos been?_

__Yuan pursed his lips.

**Renegado9000 says:**

I don't want to talk about him. He comes home and is all stressed out and boring. All he wants to do is check the stocks, do laundry and go to bed. Its sad.

**Martel*Bunny says: **

_Poor Kratos.  
><em>

Yuan blinked a few times. He put his palm to his forehead as he realized that he'd just started talking about exactly what he didn't want to talk about.

**Martel*Bunny says:'**

_Maybe you should find some way to cheer him up. What kind of things cheer you up?_

In an effort to steer the conversation around, Yuan typed:

**Renegado9000 says:**

Talking to you always cheers me up babe.

**Martel*Bunny says:**

_(^-^)_

_Maybe you should help Kratos find a girlfriend. Then he would be happy too.  
><em>

Yuan initially scoffed when he read this. Then the idea started rolling around in his mind. If he could find Kratos a girlfriend, then not only would there not be an uptight prick wandering around the apartment on a daily basis, Kratos'd probably be out with this hypothetical girlfriend a lot, giving Yuan the apartment all to himself.

The more Yuan thought about the idea, the more he liked it. It was a win-win situation for the both of them.

**Renegado9000 says:**

Yeah, good idea. Maybe I will do that after all.


End file.
